Blah Blah Blah

This use to be my playing ground and I slowly left it behind. I'm not exactly sure why, except for the fact that life gets so busy yet crazy at times and the things that we are passionate about seem to get put on hold for the things that are a necessity.

The links in the side-bar don't seem to be valid any longer, a lot of the graphics are no longer available, and my devoted readers are lost somewhere in blogger land. All the wonderful people that supported me in the beginning and throughout all the craziness of the SAGA. Oh where oh where have all the readers gone?

Is this a new beginning? Is this the end? Or is this simply the next chapter for a twister mind?

So who is this twisted mind we speak of? The one that writes to escape the normality of what is expected. The one that rambles because order seem unoriginal. The one that cusses to much, laughs to loud, loves cold beer, thinks I'm the funniest person that I have ever met and has never quite mastered that whole "rule-following" thing. There are definitely people out there that hate the me that I simply love, but I think that's because I'm the most honest person that they have ever met.

So, today is Mother's Day and I have been sick for a freaking week. I still don't feel good and my husband has pissed me off since my feet hit the floor this morning. My children have been the same little precious screaming, fighting, got to have it their way, perfect little selves today. YAY ME! Now can someone please get me some ear plugs, a beer and the damn TV remote.

I'll end for now but will return again soon to talk about people, places and whateva else later.

STAY FABULOUS!

LIFE IS A HWY

It never goes away. It simply remains. There inside of the soul getting stronger. Can it be satisfied or will the hunger always remain? The answers. The questions. The hurt. The betrayal. The lies. The deception. How or when will the hate be washed away and replaced with calmness. A calmness of the spirit. A spirit that has no faith. A spirit of evil. The prayers that are prayed that never seem to be answered. Unanswered prayers cast unto a God that you do not know. The peace and gratification longed for remain unobtainable. The sick mind that will know no cure. The needs that can't be met. Is it fate? Is it lifes plan? Is it Karma? What is karma? Are all your evil deeds returned upon you? A full circle of a life. The bad recieve bad. The good recieve good. But when the BAD collide with the GOOD whose Karma is it? Is your Karma how you treat people and their Karma how they react to it? Is it our Karma or is it our DECISION? A decision to act, re-act, be the lie, be the liar, be obsessed over, be the obsessor, be the stalked, be the stalker, be the hated, be the hator, be the cheated, be the cheater, be the betrayed, be the betrayer, be the cause, be the effect, be the strong, be the weak, be the accused, be the accuser, be the leader, be the follower, be the story, be the narrator. The choices are endless. The possiblilties never stop, they only change per the circumstance. The roads continue until you stop the drive. But the trip depends on your decisions. So have a safe trip and remember the "bad drivers" usually end in a crash.

Heaven or Hell

Exactly what is hell? That fiery place we have heard about all our lives. Heaven or Hell? Where will you go? Better question is where are you now?

Heaven on Earth? Hell on Earth? Days filled with happiness or sadness. Ecstasy or anguish?

You are your own heaven or hell. You make your own happiness. You decide the people with whom you share your life. Right?? Or wrong?? Days filled with anger and despair based on someone elses actions, words, life, love, belongings, wants, desires, fears. Is your happiness based on someone elses despair? Is that really happiness?

If something makes you UNHAPPY then why be a part of it? Look around at your life. Are you satisfied with what you see or are you living a life just to "affect" someone else? If your life is as happy as you say then why go out of your way to convince others of it?

Maybe just maybe the hell in our lives is really just US. Instead of being a victim of "circumstance" why not be a warrior of peace. Live your life and not worry about anyone else. Who cares what I do, say, wear, write, become or want? What are YOU???? What do you want? A career, a family, vacations in the tropics, a house, children, pets, a sports car, cosmetic surgery, WHAT??? No matter what you want your future to hold, it will never be achieved until you set your past free and until you stand in truth and honesty.

The demons inside are your own worst enemy. Before pointing the finger and placing blame on someone else how about taking a little responsibilty for YOUR LIFE. Who is responsible for what you read? YOU! Who is responsible for what you say? YOU! Who is responsible for what you do? YOU! Take a long hard look at the history? When there is a common problem in your life, who is responsible? YOU! If your life is constantly over-run with drama between you and everyone else, who is the common denominator?? YOU!

If you want to be out of a situation then why continue to place yourself in that situation? If our actions, deeds, thoughts and life decisions determine our fate in Heaven or Hell when we die, then shouldn't we make the decision as to whether or not we LIVE in Heaven or Hell before we die?

I, myself, quite enjoy living in my own personal Heaven. I am married to my Best Friend, have wonderful children who drive me crazy, have a family that I am very close to, In-Laws that I adore, I have a job that I love, Ben has completely soared in his career and I honestly couldn't be more proud of him. We have a little money in the bank, a house we love, and friends that are always there when we need them or just want to hang out an drink a beer. Sure there are things that I wish were a little different, but ultimately I am responsibile for what I allow in my life and what I allow to make me happy or sad. Fortunately, I am a comedian in my life story and I laugh at and about the non-sense that has no real bearing on my life. Laughter is good for the soul and it beats the hell out of misery any day.

So instead of trying to make someone jealous of you why not try and make yourself happy. Its gotta suck having to settle for a life in HELL instead of looking for HEAVEN.

THERE IS A GOD!!!!!

PARIS RELEASED

PEG

Peg was a quite little girl. Even as a child there was something very weird about her. A distant look in her eyes. Almost a vacancy. You know like the old statement "the lights are on but nobody's home"!

I'm not sure what the exact problem was though. Maybe her mother battled drug and/or alcohol abuse. Maybe someone had "done" something to her. I'm not real sure. There was a conversation once about her mother taking birth control pills during her pregnancy, but I'm not sure if that was from her mothers lack of education or lack of wanting to be pregnant.

Either way there was one thing that was for damn sure....there was definitely something wrong with this one.

It was quite amazing that someone could be so deceitful, so manipulative, so mental at such a young age. Peg was always kinda "dealt" with. Entertained, if you will, so that she may be handled. Out of control fits were a daily occurrence with Peg. She never really developed any childhood friendships because of her lack of respect for others. Her fault??? Some...but more on her family I think.

Either way, it all makes for a very interesting story. You see as Peg grew up, she grew into a very interesting individual. Interesting to say the least. Her life reads like a case study from a psych ward with a few chapters from a Stephen King novel.

To be continue.................

Family Ties

Have you ever met someone that just made you sit back, shake your head and say WHAT THE FUCK??? Well, I have had the displeasure of having some distant dealings with such a person for the last year.

A grown ass woman. Married with two children. A woman that should be happy, but is apparently miserable since she can't let go of stupid shit. Not just any stupid shit, but someone else's stupid shit.

This chic sould count her blessings considering she was the biggest whore in town during high school. I mean she managed to get married and outta town, so shouldn't she take that opportunity to live her fucking life?? I think so too. Instead she basis her life of trying to find anything possible to act like the same ole High School Drama queen from the past.

Any grown ass woman that uses phrases such as "Copy Cat" on a fucking MySPace is a complete fucking idiot. Any grown ass woman that talks to a complete stranger (a MAN) that she met on the internet about her personal life and about her excessive drug use is desperate for attention. This woman harasses her sister's EX-Boyfriends WIFE on a a daily basis. She has invented FAKE profiles to TROLL this poor woman.

Ok, so your sister got dumped by the ONLY MAN SHE HAS EVER LOVED, so what. If he is remarried isn't that a clue to you that your sister needs to let go??? Neither of these women even know his WIFE except for knowing that she is the woman he choose. These are grown ass women acting like a bunch of love struck 12 year olds. This man has gotten married and has a family and is being stalked by his ex and her sister. I can't even find words to describe this behavior.

The strange part is trying to figure out this woman's agenda. She tries to portray herself as her sister's PROTECTOR but she has even called the WIFE and told the wife that haer sister isn't over the EX. That she is in a current relationship because of that guys child and so that she will have a connection to the family. She even told the wife that she couldn't understand why her sister was so obsessed with HER. She told the wife that her family has tried to convince her that she needs mental help but she is on too many drugs to see what's best for herself. WOW

But then she attacks the wife to make the sister feel good about herself, or is it to make herself feel good?? I am married to a wonderful man and my family is my top priorty so I don't understand how this woman, wife and mother can continuosly go after a woman that she doesn't even know. Does she just not have a life? Is she unhappy in her marriage? Well, that was answered with her ONLINE FRIEND.

There have been rumors of her constant drug use and affairs so maybe that has something to do with it. Whatever it is I sure hope that she will realize that this poor woman shouldn't have to deal with her husbands EX or her FAMILY just to be with the man she loves. I mean I can't imagine having a sister thats that unstable and me having to act the same way just to pacify her. I hope they get the help they desperately need.

I SOMETIMES WONDER

I sit back and take a very long look at my life and smile at all the things that I have to be Thankful for. Like everyone else there are things in my life that I wish were different. I have faced my share of trial and tribulations. Things aren't always easy, but I have a great life.

I wish my family were closer. I wish my grandparents were still here to see how much joy my children to bring to my life. I wish my sister's life had taken a different path. There are things that I wish I can change but the good far out weighs the bad.

I have my family. I have wonderful children. I have a nice home and a good job. I have the love of my life right beside me. I know in my heart that Ben is my soul mate. We were destined to be together. There is nothing that will ever come between us. Nothing that will shake us much less break us. We are that strong together. I had never been so SURE about anything in my life until the day I met him. All the worries slowly disappeared when he came into my life. Even the people that try to shake us are unsuccessful because we are meant to be.

I don't think that the word THANKFUL can describe how I feel about my marriage to Ben. How do you describe the relationship with your Best Friend? Your soul mate. I don't think that I can find the words to come close to describing what we have. I still get butterflies when he walks in the room. I get weak in the knees from the slightest touch from him. I can tell him my worse fear and he assures me. He loves me the most when I deserve it the least. Perfect is such a HUGE word but it's the only word that comes close to describing our relationship.

I am a firm believer that your life is what you make of it. If you want to be happy then make yourself. If you can't make yourself happy then NO ONE else can either. If you want a FRIEND. Someone that you can trust. Then you must first be a friend, someone that can be trusted. If your life is full of people that disappoint you, stab you in the back, and turn their backs on you THEN take a look at yourself. Chances are that's the type of person that you are.

I try to be a great friend. Someone that can be trusted and counted on. Therefore I have been blessed with so many wonderful people that I am proud to call friends. People that I can call anytime and I know they will be there. People that love me for me, I don't have to pretend to be something or someone that I am not. That's what true friendship is. Be thankful if you have it in your life. I do & I am.

Everyone that knows me knows that writing is my avenue to sanity. It doesn't always make sense to everyone , but it always makes sense to me. HAHA And more times than not, you can relate to something that I write. You see, if you look at something JUST RIGHT then everything is always about you. All the good, all the bad, all the question that don't have answers. Your job is to go out and find those answers.

There are some questions that I would like to ask certain people. I wonder if they know the answers themselves????

What's it like to live with such pain?

To live a life that longs for trust.

To what things that are unobtainable.

To long for control.

To hide a world of hurt behind a fake smile.

To look in mirror and hate what you see.

To live in a world that you will never fit in.

To be an adult and have no accomplishments to speak of with pride.

To wish for a past that wasn't full of shame and fifth.

To hate.

To envy another life.

To not know unconditional love.

To want his touch just one more time.

To wish for death.

I wonder if you had everything, would you still want to live?? We all want for things. Some want more than others. Some want things that they simply can't have. I hope for simplicity for so many people. Take the life that you have and make of it what you can. Give up on the past and concentrate on the future. You can't change the past, but you can mold your future if you let go of what will never be. Be thankful for what you have and of what you have isn't really what you want then MOVE ON. Life is to short to settle for an occasional smile. Follow your heart and if your lucky then you'll find someone that ROCKS YOUR WORLD to plaster a neverending smile across your face.