IT'S GETTING HOT IN HERE!

Is it just me or has it been hot as hell?? I mean G - E's - US. I have literally been about to die. It's not just hot, it's smoldering. Knowing this it amazes me that I even done what I did this morning.

As I rolled outta bed, stumbled to the shower, debated on whether to go to work or go back to bed, I snatched some jeans and a T-shirt outta my closet and began getting dressed. For some strange freaking reason I decided to wear some cute silky undies today. Why? I'm not really sure because I never wear undies. I think it has something to do with a movie that Ben and I watched about a bank robbery. The robbers made everyone strip down to their underwear. Ben started laughing and said "We'd be fucked cuz we don't wear underwear". Anywho, I slipped into the STAR covered cuties, finshed dressing and headed out the door.

LUNCH TIME! As I walk from my office to my car in the smoldering heat I am slightly regretting the cute undies as I am removing them from the crack of my ass. Then it happens. I sat down in the drivers seat.The LEATHER drivers seat. That car was hot enough to be a Meth lab. Within moments my cute silky undies turned into Saran Wrap covering every inch of my ass.

I was fucking dying. Surely my car will be cool soon and these mother humpers will release themselves from my butt cheeks. You know what? FUCK THIS!

Have you ever driven 60 down a 4 lane highway during lunch hour traffic while getting undressed? Well, neither had I. UNTIL TODAY. Thats right, these babies were coming off one way or another. I kicked my flip flops off. Unbuttoned my jeans and forced them bitches down my sweaty thighs. Ahhhh! At last.... I jerked those star covered, sweat inducing, ass suffocating Satan Panties right the fuck off.

Ha, I am the Master of the Satan Panties.

Now what do I do with these bitches? Glove Compartment? Why the fuck is it even called a glove compartment? I have NEVER put gloves in a glove compartment. Wait, unless condoms are considered gloves in a case like this. Ahhh, back to the point.

Glove Compartment?

Under the seat?

My purse?

Fuck it!

Bye Bye Satan panties. As I rolled down the window and slowly extended my arm outward those babies were released into the wild. Well, maybe not the wild, but they were released none the fucking less. And I DO NOT want to hear one damn word from anyone about littering. I did not litter. I just did a good deed. A homeless person may find them and their ass will be toasty warm this winter, OR I created a job because someone has to pick them up.

And in case any of you are wondering.... it's a helluva lot harder to get dressed driving down the highway than it is to get undressed. Whew. I need a freaking nerve pill now and so does the Grandpaw that damn near wiped out a Lincoln while trying to see my ass.

So fair warning to all. If WE are ever in a bank robbing situation together and we are forced to strip down to our underwear.........I AIN'T WEARING ANY!


P.S. YES PHIL, YOU WON THE AUTOGRAPHED PHOTO OF PSYCHO. PLEASE SEND ME YOUR ADDRESS SO I CAN GET THIS EVIL STRICKEN THING OUTTA MY HOUSE!